1. Art is how we decorate space, music is how we decorate time.
  2. People who say they can’t cook are basically confessing that they can’t follow instructions.
  3. The first guy who ever heard a parrot speak must have freaked.
  4. In gaming, the “Start” button is mostly used to pause the game.
  5. When the first child is born on Mars, we will have to add Planet of Birth to our passports.
  6. If I ever start my own dog training business, I’d call it Sit Happens.
  7. Pizza crust is an edible plate to keep your meat and vegetables on.
  8. I have won as many Oscars as Leonardo DiCaprio.
  9. If people don’t recognize Clark Kent as Superman because of his glasses, does his eye doctor know his true identity?
  10. Gyms are just rooms full of heavy stuff, that you pay money to lift repeatedly.
  11. Wallets are just pockets that we put in our pockets.
  12. Slang is slang for “short language”.